On December 16, 2005 (don’t ask me how I remember that), my wife and I were sitting in the very back row of the United Artist Theatres on 13th & Broadway in New York City. We were moments away from the previews and even several more moments away from watching Peter Jackson’s re-imagining of “King Kong”. I’ll reserve my comments on the film for a more cinematically critical blog. Imagine this. My wife is sitting next to me on the left. Next to her is an empty seat and next to the empty seat, there is a gentlemen sitting by himself. Now, before I go on, you have to know… I am a huge film lover. I love films, all kinds of them. My mother took me to see Fellini films when I was six years old at the only art-house cinema in Atlanta. My parents, when they couldn’t find a babysitter, too me to a drive-in to see “The Exorcist” and then, soon thereafter, “Scarface” as a kid. My wife didn’t believe me when I told her and to this day feels this was some form child abuse.
I just love movies. On big screens, small screens, reruns, independent, foreign, everything. I’ve been to every movie theatre in New York City, including, countless times, the poorly designed, but cinema aficionado’s paradise, The Angelika. I love popcorn and peanut M&M’s. I pour the peanut M&M’s, occasionally, over my popcorn. I love getting there early and finding the best seats. I love previews. I love the community of other like-minded individuals who enjoy the whole process as much as I do. That is why I will never set foot into some movie theatres ever again. They just breed those people who love to talk to themselves, or on their cell phone, and, worst of all, to the screen. One time, I yelled out in the dark, “THEY CAN’T HEAR YOU!”, as a man was speaking to the on-screen actors. I have been known to get into fights in the movies. I am passionate about the experience, not only because I have paid for it, but filmmakers have gone through extraordinary heights and depths to get their films made.
Anyway, this particular day cold day in December in this particular movie theatre, on this particular row, there was a particular man three seats down from me that had his particular finger so far up his nose, my peripheral vision was constantly engaged. I couldn’t believe it. We sat there and watched him pick his nose, pull something juicy out of it, roll it between his thump and pointer finger and the WIPE IT IN THE CUPHOLDER. He did this TWICE. I was revolted. Amazed. Incensed. I just couldn’t let this microbial injustice take place. So, I leaned up and over my wife’s lap and proceeded to say, “Excuse me! Sir! I just saw you pick your nose and wipe a booger in the cup holder! You need to leave this theatre immediately and wash your hands!”. By this time, my wife had tears of laughter streaming out of her eyes. 1) she couldn’t believe we saw him do this 2) she couldn’t believe I confronted him for doing it and 3) she couldn’t believe that her husband, a grown man, used the word “booger” when confronting another grown man; a complete stranger.
Now, I’m not saying there are not nose-picking folks in Los Angeles, but I have yet to find one at the Arclight in Hollywood -- a place that is home away from home. Look, I know it’s not perfect. They have one rickety-ass parking validation machine per 9000 people. That’s annoying. The design is flawed at the Customer Service Desk. There are several things I am not blind to, but as far as a full on movie-going experience, this is the place to do it. Reserved seating (and, likely, you’re sitting next to, in front of behind true film lovers such as yourself), higher quality concessions (including homemade caramel popcorn), a loyalty reward program, clean bathrooms, a gift store, coffee, live human beings welcoming you to the theatre and on-deck in case of sound and picture mishaps. There are no advertisements and, to date, no nose pickers. And, it’s a terrific place for people watching. A lot of characters on and off the screens.
I love the Arclight and think they offer the best movie-going experience I’ve found to date. However, a friend of mine recently introduced me to Landmark Theatres and I equally enjoyed that experience for some of the same reasons.
I’ve run out of things to say. If you haven’t been to the Arclight and you love movies, check it out.
Michael Albanese is a playwright, screenwriter and part-time poet. A recent transplant to Los Angeles from New York, he loves, in no particular order, all things Italian, art, films, music, theatre, food, wine, etc. He drinks a lot of coffee and knows just enough about sports to get by. He has vast experience in the hospitality and service industries and at one point in life, wanted to be a dentist. He lives with his best friend, who happens to be his wife, and has a stuffed dog because he won't commit to getting a real one. He currently has 461 points on his Arclight card.